I had a workshop at school this week that left me feeling inspired & a total failure all in one.
I tweeted the above sentence the other night as way to get the feeling off my chest & luckily found I’m not the only teacher (who is also a mother) that feels this way.
In the beginning (pre-kids) making teaching my number one priority, was easy. I’d go in early & stay late. I’d bring papers home to grade & lessons to make (and actually do them) and spend hard earned money on new things for my classroom.
I try to go in early but two days a week it’s impossible when I have to take Tucker to school on Tuesdays & Thursdays. I never stay late unless its for a required Open House or other special event. With mom watching the kids, I know she’s done by four o’clock when I get off (if not sooner) so I try to leave at four on-the-dot.
I still bring things home occasionally (usually just papers to grade) but whatever I bring home usually sits in whatever bag or basket it was brought in without ever being touched.
& spend money on things for my class? Not likely. Now, six years into teaching, I bring home lots less each paycheck because of these kids of mine. Insurance is a killer.
The workshop I mentioned left me inspired because there were so many great things I saw that I want to implement in my own classroom. But at the same time, it left me feeling so inferior with the little I seem to be doing. It’s as if I do just enough to get by.
& that’s not enough anymore.
This week I tried to use my planning times at school more intentionally. I strived at using every second to it’s fullest potential. I brought home papers to grade & actually graded them. This weekend I lugged home a bucket of things to do & have been working little-by-little on said bucket.
& while I think these things are a step in the right direction, I know there will still be times when I put my family first, but that is okay. My kids will only be this little for so long. I figure, if anything, I can be a “good” teacher again when my kids are older.
Until then, this is me trying my best.